Ten Year Anniversary
I knew it the first day that I met Jon. He was the one that I was going to marry. I don't think it was smart; at least not in worldly standards. I was twenty, and in my 3rd year of college. I still was not sure what I wanted to be, or who I was. I was close to moving back home, and I had only been really walking with God for 2 years. But I knew it. And still, today, almost 13 years later, I am sure that Jon is the man that the Lord had intended for me to marry.
I hear a lot of conflicting arguments about marriage. Just like everything. But this is my story. And my lessons learned. And I don't think that they are "right" or "wrong", but they are what the Lord had intended for Jon and I. I'm almost 100% this blog post will out me as a Christian who is still in need of much training. But I can't have our 10 year anniversary pass without reflecting upon the lessons that I have learned, and to also reflect upon the work in progress I will be.
Ten years ago, this coming July, I married Jon. Reflecting on that time and that day, I can honestly say that I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I can also honestly say that I did not understand the meaning of agape love as defined in scriptures.
I knew I loved the Lord. I knew I loved my mom, my dad, my sister, and my friends. And I loved Jon. We had spent two and a half years together learning one another and fighting, and going on dates, and growing together.
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:31
Jesus says in Matthew 19: 4-6
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God explains through scripture that marriage is a reflection of is love for the church. It was originally perfect, but because of the fall of man, it became broken. Just like us. I don't think that it's a mistake that the original sin committed was done so through a man and his wife. Adam alone did not sin. It wasn't until his wife came around that he took part of the fruit. He intentionally sinned on his his own, but did so with the loving approval of his wife looking on.
And just like that, humanity falls. And we are eternally in need of a savior. Because we are now apart from God.We instantaneously became thirsty for something more, because our intentional purpose: communion with God, was taken away through sin.
Who are we to comment on their sin? If this event: the biggest, most catastrophic, humanity-changing, influential choice occurred today, I wonder what we would all say? I feel like our culture would back them. Adam and Eve were doing what they wanted. God forbid the fruit, but did not take the fruit out of the garden. Who am I to judge a couple who were abiding by the desires of their hearts? Looking on, it's not as if they were intentionally trying to hurt anyone. Biting into fruit is not the same thing as creating mass murder in a worldly sense. Tasting the fruit was satisfying, and as grown adults, they would be inclined to see the fruit, and it looked good, and they would gain worldly wisdom...why not?
Since the beginning of time, Satan has been deathly afraid of marriage. There is no other union on this planet that represents God's love for his people as eloquently in the union of marriage. Two people choose to love one another. To become husband and wife. And enter into a selfless life-long commitment of agape; sacrificial love.
I'm learning more about myself. I am this way. I look to myself and search to satisfy my desires in ways that I think is right. I often begin to search for a self satisfying love. It's a fruit that we eat that we hope will calm the storm within us and give us fulfillment. And we commit sin without fully understanding the magnitude of our choice. We stand at the alter and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and assume that we will get everything we've wanted from this choice.
Until we realize that we are broken. The fall of man is evident. I can say this from experience. Throughout my 10 years of navigating the oceans of marriage, I have to say that I am very aware that sin is a reality. There is no one in my life that I know more than my husband. And he is honestly the hardest person I have ever had to love. I have to love him in the thicket. In my most vulnerable state, I have had to love him. I have to love him in the day to day. In the coming and going. I have to love him when he's had a bad day. That's not easy. I have to love him when he gets annoyed with my kids. I have to love him when he forgets to do a chore, or doesn't get me what I want for my birthday. I have to love him when he makes me pay the bill, or when he's late home from basketball. When he ruins my plans, or when he ruins the laundry. When the weeds grow in because he's been spending too much time on his days off looking at sports on the internet rather than mowing the lawn. Obviously, I can continue with my laundry list of complaints. They sound trivial. But pile them up over 10 years, and then come talk to me. He doesn't always put me first. He's cranky, and he's not like me all of the time and he's not as romantic as he once was. And he doesn't talk to me like he used to. But when Jon loves me, in spite of his sin and mine, and loves me in spite of himself, sacrificially, I begin to understand what real joy in love is.
Jon's love never will fulfill me. He is incapable of loving me in ways that I need him to. He's broken. And I am, too. I wasn't made for him. I was made for God. I was made to love and find fulfillment in Him. And in doing so, I am full. As I continue to grow in my faith, I am learning that if I don't fully hold on to the Lord, through prayer, thanksgiving, and seeking more information about Him through scripture, I become a crappy wife.
Notice that Satan didn't enter the scene until Adam had a wife. We don't know how long he lived without one, but it is clear that God did not think it was good for Adam to be without one. For Adam to be alone was not His intention. However long Adam lived in Eden without Eve is not written. But we do know that Adam's lively hood was not threatened until God provided him a life long partner in his wife, Eve. One can infer looking at the first sin, and throughout history that the institution of marriage threatens the enemy. It is constantly under attack. Jesus asked that man should not separate what God has joined together. But it seems like Satan is always working on destroying us. He uses everything he can to rob the joy that God intended for us. I think he does it in the institution of marriage as a whole. And he has since the beginning.
Satan has attacked marriage from the beginning because of his disdain from the closeness that we can attain with God in the institution of it. What God makes is good. Really good. Like what we were meant for good. Better than we can construct, imagine, or desire. He is our desire. And he said that it was good for us to be married. His design is perfect, and even in a broken, evil world. Even in our sin, He desires us to be blessed and fulfilled.
I know, in my heart, that God joined Jon with me. I was really careful. I knew he was the one, but I asked for wisdom. When I met Jon, I begged God for wisdom. I met with my pastor, I read scripture, I asked my sister and my mom for guidance. I still can confidently look back and know that the Lord placed Jon in my life. And that is so beautiful. I know God better because I know that He gifted me my husband. We have made four beautiful kids. We have worked together, cried together. We have learned so much together, grown up together. We have prayed late at night when we weren't sure we would make it. We have screamed at one another, said horrible things to one another, and forgiven one another. Then, we have thrown what we have forgiven back in one another's face. And then forgave again. These ten years have been exactly what I prayed for and exactly not at all what I thought it would be. But honestly, I can say that they have been edifying. And they have made me stronger in my walk with God. Because sometimes, I have needed Him the most. And God has blessed me with a man who won't leave me when I get messy. And raw. And when I nag, or get selfish.
Paul, in 1 Corinthians, talks about love as a noun. That it always perseveres, and I think honestly it was placed at the end of his long-winded description of love, because he knew that we would have to. It's not only in marriage that we need to persevere, but in life. I feel like perseverance implies that there is not ever a real end in this life. It will never be exactly perfect. Here is not the end all be all. His grace and mercy allows us to find blessing and enjoyment. But we are being attacked here. He knew that we would need protection. Because I sin. I fail Jon. He fails me. Daily. And often, instead of following the desires of my heart, each of us hold onto the truth of God's love. When it gets crazy, Jon won't protect me spiritually, but God will. And that is love winning. When my surrender and perseverance brings me closer to Jesus.
This kind of love, where I put my desires aside, and my picture of how things should look away to the side, is sacrificial. And while it might not be quite equated even close to the death on a cross, I learn to put the desires of my heart away, and do a better job at loving the only human who knows me best, and stays with me anyway.
Jon's love for me is an earthly example of God's love for the church. That in spite of our initial, and then continual walking away, and in spite of the fact that we look away, and sin against him. Besides the fact that we forget to put him first, he died for us anyway. And Jon does the same. I sin against him, and he sins against me. And we continually put our pride aside, and remain committed to the love that we have for one another. It's hard to not keep record of wrongs. It's hard to rejoice when things get rough. But when my eyes are focused on Him, in full surrender, I am given the strength to love. And watching God work in our life together is more of a blessing that I could picture on the day I got married 10 years ago.
"I am making everything new." Revelation 21:5
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. "
I hear a lot of conflicting arguments about marriage. Just like everything. But this is my story. And my lessons learned. And I don't think that they are "right" or "wrong", but they are what the Lord had intended for Jon and I. I'm almost 100% this blog post will out me as a Christian who is still in need of much training. But I can't have our 10 year anniversary pass without reflecting upon the lessons that I have learned, and to also reflect upon the work in progress I will be.
Ten years ago, this coming July, I married Jon. Reflecting on that time and that day, I can honestly say that I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I can also honestly say that I did not understand the meaning of agape love as defined in scriptures.
I knew I loved the Lord. I knew I loved my mom, my dad, my sister, and my friends. And I loved Jon. We had spent two and a half years together learning one another and fighting, and going on dates, and growing together.
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:31
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Jesus says in Matthew 19: 4-6
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God explains through scripture that marriage is a reflection of is love for the church. It was originally perfect, but because of the fall of man, it became broken. Just like us. I don't think that it's a mistake that the original sin committed was done so through a man and his wife. Adam alone did not sin. It wasn't until his wife came around that he took part of the fruit. He intentionally sinned on his his own, but did so with the loving approval of his wife looking on.
And just like that, humanity falls. And we are eternally in need of a savior. Because we are now apart from God.We instantaneously became thirsty for something more, because our intentional purpose: communion with God, was taken away through sin.
Who are we to comment on their sin? If this event: the biggest, most catastrophic, humanity-changing, influential choice occurred today, I wonder what we would all say? I feel like our culture would back them. Adam and Eve were doing what they wanted. God forbid the fruit, but did not take the fruit out of the garden. Who am I to judge a couple who were abiding by the desires of their hearts? Looking on, it's not as if they were intentionally trying to hurt anyone. Biting into fruit is not the same thing as creating mass murder in a worldly sense. Tasting the fruit was satisfying, and as grown adults, they would be inclined to see the fruit, and it looked good, and they would gain worldly wisdom...why not?
Since the beginning of time, Satan has been deathly afraid of marriage. There is no other union on this planet that represents God's love for his people as eloquently in the union of marriage. Two people choose to love one another. To become husband and wife. And enter into a selfless life-long commitment of agape; sacrificial love.
I'm learning more about myself. I am this way. I look to myself and search to satisfy my desires in ways that I think is right. I often begin to search for a self satisfying love. It's a fruit that we eat that we hope will calm the storm within us and give us fulfillment. And we commit sin without fully understanding the magnitude of our choice. We stand at the alter and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, and assume that we will get everything we've wanted from this choice.
Until we realize that we are broken. The fall of man is evident. I can say this from experience. Throughout my 10 years of navigating the oceans of marriage, I have to say that I am very aware that sin is a reality. There is no one in my life that I know more than my husband. And he is honestly the hardest person I have ever had to love. I have to love him in the thicket. In my most vulnerable state, I have had to love him. I have to love him in the day to day. In the coming and going. I have to love him when he's had a bad day. That's not easy. I have to love him when he gets annoyed with my kids. I have to love him when he forgets to do a chore, or doesn't get me what I want for my birthday. I have to love him when he makes me pay the bill, or when he's late home from basketball. When he ruins my plans, or when he ruins the laundry. When the weeds grow in because he's been spending too much time on his days off looking at sports on the internet rather than mowing the lawn. Obviously, I can continue with my laundry list of complaints. They sound trivial. But pile them up over 10 years, and then come talk to me. He doesn't always put me first. He's cranky, and he's not like me all of the time and he's not as romantic as he once was. And he doesn't talk to me like he used to. But when Jon loves me, in spite of his sin and mine, and loves me in spite of himself, sacrificially, I begin to understand what real joy in love is.
Jon's love never will fulfill me. He is incapable of loving me in ways that I need him to. He's broken. And I am, too. I wasn't made for him. I was made for God. I was made to love and find fulfillment in Him. And in doing so, I am full. As I continue to grow in my faith, I am learning that if I don't fully hold on to the Lord, through prayer, thanksgiving, and seeking more information about Him through scripture, I become a crappy wife.
Notice that Satan didn't enter the scene until Adam had a wife. We don't know how long he lived without one, but it is clear that God did not think it was good for Adam to be without one. For Adam to be alone was not His intention. However long Adam lived in Eden without Eve is not written. But we do know that Adam's lively hood was not threatened until God provided him a life long partner in his wife, Eve. One can infer looking at the first sin, and throughout history that the institution of marriage threatens the enemy. It is constantly under attack. Jesus asked that man should not separate what God has joined together. But it seems like Satan is always working on destroying us. He uses everything he can to rob the joy that God intended for us. I think he does it in the institution of marriage as a whole. And he has since the beginning.
Satan has attacked marriage from the beginning because of his disdain from the closeness that we can attain with God in the institution of it. What God makes is good. Really good. Like what we were meant for good. Better than we can construct, imagine, or desire. He is our desire. And he said that it was good for us to be married. His design is perfect, and even in a broken, evil world. Even in our sin, He desires us to be blessed and fulfilled.
I know, in my heart, that God joined Jon with me. I was really careful. I knew he was the one, but I asked for wisdom. When I met Jon, I begged God for wisdom. I met with my pastor, I read scripture, I asked my sister and my mom for guidance. I still can confidently look back and know that the Lord placed Jon in my life. And that is so beautiful. I know God better because I know that He gifted me my husband. We have made four beautiful kids. We have worked together, cried together. We have learned so much together, grown up together. We have prayed late at night when we weren't sure we would make it. We have screamed at one another, said horrible things to one another, and forgiven one another. Then, we have thrown what we have forgiven back in one another's face. And then forgave again. These ten years have been exactly what I prayed for and exactly not at all what I thought it would be. But honestly, I can say that they have been edifying. And they have made me stronger in my walk with God. Because sometimes, I have needed Him the most. And God has blessed me with a man who won't leave me when I get messy. And raw. And when I nag, or get selfish.
Paul, in 1 Corinthians, talks about love as a noun. That it always perseveres, and I think honestly it was placed at the end of his long-winded description of love, because he knew that we would have to. It's not only in marriage that we need to persevere, but in life. I feel like perseverance implies that there is not ever a real end in this life. It will never be exactly perfect. Here is not the end all be all. His grace and mercy allows us to find blessing and enjoyment. But we are being attacked here. He knew that we would need protection. Because I sin. I fail Jon. He fails me. Daily. And often, instead of following the desires of my heart, each of us hold onto the truth of God's love. When it gets crazy, Jon won't protect me spiritually, but God will. And that is love winning. When my surrender and perseverance brings me closer to Jesus.
This kind of love, where I put my desires aside, and my picture of how things should look away to the side, is sacrificial. And while it might not be quite equated even close to the death on a cross, I learn to put the desires of my heart away, and do a better job at loving the only human who knows me best, and stays with me anyway.
Jon's love for me is an earthly example of God's love for the church. That in spite of our initial, and then continual walking away, and in spite of the fact that we look away, and sin against him. Besides the fact that we forget to put him first, he died for us anyway. And Jon does the same. I sin against him, and he sins against me. And we continually put our pride aside, and remain committed to the love that we have for one another. It's hard to not keep record of wrongs. It's hard to rejoice when things get rough. But when my eyes are focused on Him, in full surrender, I am given the strength to love. And watching God work in our life together is more of a blessing that I could picture on the day I got married 10 years ago.
"I am making everything new." Revelation 21:5
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. "
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