Baby Lala: week 12
The Lord has been pressing on my heart to relinquish him something that I have carefully monitored in my past two pregnancies. And it's not easy. I have lists that document the pounds that I gained in each pregnancy. It consumed me in the past; how quickly I gained weight.
And no one wants to gain 10 pounds in 5 weeks like I did this pregnancy. In addition to the "all day" sickness I have felt, coupled with the fatigue, I have been consumed with how quickly have had to switch to maternity clothes with this third one. I remember also being consumed with what I weighed with the other two..and I don't want to be consumed with such a silly thing...it's been hard to enjoy my pregnancy feeling huge. And there were many times in the past pregnancies that also didn't enjoy parts because I was unhappy with how I looked.
This has been pressing on my heart. I have been considering the fact that it's my last pregnancy. And that I want to enjoy it. And slowly this week, God has been hinting that I need to relinquish my crutch. I told Jon I gained 5 more pounds. I was so sad. His response? Obvious: "what...you don't think you are going to gain weight? You are growing a baby. And you look great." And whether he meant the last part or not, his factual response hit me in my emotional state: duh.
God has been whispering things like: do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit? All week. And He's been reminding me through circumstances that I am not my own. And revealing stories in the Bible of surrender and sacrifice, and the significance of what happens when people have given up their desires and let God move.
Until today. He was done hinting. He was clear. Get rid of your scale, Lindsay. I argued with Him. I told Him that I would become unhealthy, and that I would spiral into a Cheeto, Cheese-It, Wheat Thin, Cheese-eating couch potato (notice the theme). I gave Him the argument that with assistance of my scale in the past, I have controlled my weight with both pregnancies at only gaining 35 pounds, and God...I will go insane if I can't control....I will spiral out of control. And God, we can't have that.
This was his response: "No one has ever regretted trusting Me." At that, I couldn't argue.
And with those words ringing in my mind this morning, it was clear that I needed to throw away my scale.
With the last weeks of the first trimester almost behind me, I look forward to not feeling sick and tired. I also look forward to not stressing about a silly number. Mostly, I am so excited to be 1/3 of the way closer to meeting this baby. So here's to making this pregnancy less about me, and more about a little miracle here on the way:)
And no one wants to gain 10 pounds in 5 weeks like I did this pregnancy. In addition to the "all day" sickness I have felt, coupled with the fatigue, I have been consumed with how quickly have had to switch to maternity clothes with this third one. I remember also being consumed with what I weighed with the other two..and I don't want to be consumed with such a silly thing...it's been hard to enjoy my pregnancy feeling huge. And there were many times in the past pregnancies that also didn't enjoy parts because I was unhappy with how I looked.
This has been pressing on my heart. I have been considering the fact that it's my last pregnancy. And that I want to enjoy it. And slowly this week, God has been hinting that I need to relinquish my crutch. I told Jon I gained 5 more pounds. I was so sad. His response? Obvious: "what...you don't think you are going to gain weight? You are growing a baby. And you look great." And whether he meant the last part or not, his factual response hit me in my emotional state: duh.
God has been whispering things like: do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit? All week. And He's been reminding me through circumstances that I am not my own. And revealing stories in the Bible of surrender and sacrifice, and the significance of what happens when people have given up their desires and let God move.
Until today. He was done hinting. He was clear. Get rid of your scale, Lindsay. I argued with Him. I told Him that I would become unhealthy, and that I would spiral into a Cheeto, Cheese-It, Wheat Thin, Cheese-eating couch potato (notice the theme). I gave Him the argument that with assistance of my scale in the past, I have controlled my weight with both pregnancies at only gaining 35 pounds, and God...I will go insane if I can't control....I will spiral out of control. And God, we can't have that.
This was his response: "No one has ever regretted trusting Me." At that, I couldn't argue.
And with those words ringing in my mind this morning, it was clear that I needed to throw away my scale.
With the last weeks of the first trimester almost behind me, I look forward to not feeling sick and tired. I also look forward to not stressing about a silly number. Mostly, I am so excited to be 1/3 of the way closer to meeting this baby. So here's to making this pregnancy less about me, and more about a little miracle here on the way:)
This post speaks to me deeply. Trusting God is so difficult for me, but your revelation is so true: I won't regret trusting Him!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and high-five for trusting God and tossing your scale!
I agree- it's hard to remember that He's got it under control!!!!
DeleteI don't know if you 've found out the gender of your babies the last 2 pregnancies but if you are considering this be your last one let it be a surprise! I have 3 kids, never did I find out what I was having. What an amazing feeling when I was told its a boy, its a girl (twice) . Enjoy your pregnancy you will beable to lose the weight once the baby comes out. Once you are done with all the sicknesses hopefully it will be smooth ride. If I could I would have one more I just loved being pregnant n guessing what I would have. Yea people say its easier to plan if you know what you are having but really are we ever ready? Our kids are a gift from God so why not let him surprise us! God Bless you!
ReplyDeleteSuch a gift! Thank you for your encouragement! And what patience you have to wait to find out and a nice surprise! I will work on enjoying it more:) xo
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