God's Plan
I've always wanted three kids. I never really minded whether I had a boy or a girl, but after Harrison and Henry, I felt like there was someone missing.
When Hallie came, our family seemed so complete. She was to icing on the cake, and the sweetest blessing. Since she's come, I have been encouraged and delighted by her presence in our family. Everyone fits. Everyone has their own room. The boys are best friends, and the sweetest older brothers. Our family was exactly where it needed to be....
Or so I thought.
It was a cloudy day in May that I had just finished feeding Hallie. I set her on the floor, and I sat next to her with my laptop. Henry was coloring, and I was finishing up grading some papers, when I felt it. The first trimester sick. Medal taste in my mouth. Nauseous...and I ignored it. There was no way. I had a 5 month old. So I kept grading, and Hallie played with her floor toys. Henry asked for a glass of water. I got up, and felt it again. Immediately, I looked back at my planner. I was 2 weeks late, but I literally was breastfeeding, solely. I didn't get my period until Harrison was 8 months old when I was breastfeeding him. Henry was 10 months old. It was so weird, because I got it when Hallie was 1.5 months old. It was regular for a few months, but when it didn't come in May, I figured it was because I was breastfeeding. I was thankful that my body was back to it's old ways. So...there was no way that I could be pregnant. I was just late...right?
I'm not a very patient person, so I gave Henry a water bottle, scooped up Hallie, put my work aside, and loaded the kids in the car.
I live about 15 miles from everything. The ride to Walgreen's was no joke. My thoughts were going insane...I kept telling myself that it was okay. I could finally name her Harlow; I wanted to name Hallie the name Harlow, but Jon wouldn't go for it. There was no way I was pregnant. I prayed. I was literally just pregnant. I didn't have room for 4 kids. But if I was pregnant, I was going to name her Harlow.
I picked up a hair dryer to replace my recently broken one, a birthday toy for a party we were going to that weekend, a new prayer journal, and a pregnancy test. I thought about going into the bathroom at Walgreens and taking it there, but the thought of taking all of my new items to the bathroom with a 3 year old and a 5 month old, while peeing on a stick was overwhelming, so I rushed the kids to the car, and drove the 15 miles home. And I prayed some more.
I got home just in time for Hallie's nap. I unbuckled her. I unbuckled Henry, got my goodies, rushed her upstairs to put Hallie to bed, and ran to the bathroom.
And that is where it was confirmed. I was pregnant. Again. My stomach dropped. I started to spin. Henry banged on the door, and I had to gather my thoughts. So I turned a show on for him, and called Jon.
"Are you sitting down?"
He sounded nervous.
"Yes."
Awkward silence.
"I'm pregnant."
I expected him to unwind.To explain every worst case scenario. We can't afford it. We just had a baby. I am usually the positive one, and I was nervous.
"Oh thank God." Was his response. "I thought you did something horrible to the car, or the kids had an accident. This is okay. We'll be okay."
Pregnancy has never been a joyous occasion for me. I'm sick. I can't stop eating. I do not like how tired I am. I'm huge. I can't sleep. I pee. A lot. I want a glass of wine. I explain my disdain for it all in my other posts that I wrote about Hallie. I feel like I am trapped in this body, and that the weeks will never end. And the fact that I have done it now all the way through almost 4 times (and 5 if I count the little amount of time that I had for 8 weeks with my first) is crazy to me.
It's such a God thing...pregnancy. Not just pregnancy, but parenthood. It takes a lot to endure these months. Complete surrender is necessary. Sacrifice, and endurance are huge components by which I have had to learn throughout my many months of bearing children. There is no choice but to surrender it all to God. I fully recognize my inability to make it through, and it is imperative that through every step of the way...from the moment I see the second line on the stick, to even now, driving my 6 year old from school to football to baseball...sitting at home doing home work, and making dinner, and evenings getting lunches prepared for the next day...every step of the way I need to rely on the Holy Spirit. And I'm about to add an extra person to cart around. Another lunch to prepare. Another human to clean after, to read to. To teach God's word to. To pay for. To give consequences to. To totally screw up. And hopefully to lead to Him. I need Jesus. For all of it.
The blessing that has come each time I have been lucky enough to meet each of my babies have been game changers. Every time I think I can't love another person as much as I do the others, my heart grows even bigger. Every kick, every movement. Every time I think how lucky I am to see another little chubby booty toddling on the floor, I praise God for the love that I have for them.
I am 27 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. I never thought I would have four kids. But it is clear that this is obviously God's plan. And before you say the whole..."you know how kids are made, right?" Know that we were taking every precaution we always had. I know for a fact that little Hudson Lyle is a gift from God. I don't get my Harlow, but I am so excited to welcome my third son into our home. We are in for a ride. And so is this kid.
This was clearly not my plan. But God had bigger ideas than I did. So apparently, we are now about to be a family of 6. And I am happy I am not the one making plans in my life. I am so excited. :)
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. Isa. 40:28
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, Deut. 7:9
When Hallie came, our family seemed so complete. She was to icing on the cake, and the sweetest blessing. Since she's come, I have been encouraged and delighted by her presence in our family. Everyone fits. Everyone has their own room. The boys are best friends, and the sweetest older brothers. Our family was exactly where it needed to be....
Or so I thought.
It was a cloudy day in May that I had just finished feeding Hallie. I set her on the floor, and I sat next to her with my laptop. Henry was coloring, and I was finishing up grading some papers, when I felt it. The first trimester sick. Medal taste in my mouth. Nauseous...and I ignored it. There was no way. I had a 5 month old. So I kept grading, and Hallie played with her floor toys. Henry asked for a glass of water. I got up, and felt it again. Immediately, I looked back at my planner. I was 2 weeks late, but I literally was breastfeeding, solely. I didn't get my period until Harrison was 8 months old when I was breastfeeding him. Henry was 10 months old. It was so weird, because I got it when Hallie was 1.5 months old. It was regular for a few months, but when it didn't come in May, I figured it was because I was breastfeeding. I was thankful that my body was back to it's old ways. So...there was no way that I could be pregnant. I was just late...right?
I'm not a very patient person, so I gave Henry a water bottle, scooped up Hallie, put my work aside, and loaded the kids in the car.
I live about 15 miles from everything. The ride to Walgreen's was no joke. My thoughts were going insane...I kept telling myself that it was okay. I could finally name her Harlow; I wanted to name Hallie the name Harlow, but Jon wouldn't go for it. There was no way I was pregnant. I prayed. I was literally just pregnant. I didn't have room for 4 kids. But if I was pregnant, I was going to name her Harlow.
I picked up a hair dryer to replace my recently broken one, a birthday toy for a party we were going to that weekend, a new prayer journal, and a pregnancy test. I thought about going into the bathroom at Walgreens and taking it there, but the thought of taking all of my new items to the bathroom with a 3 year old and a 5 month old, while peeing on a stick was overwhelming, so I rushed the kids to the car, and drove the 15 miles home. And I prayed some more.
I got home just in time for Hallie's nap. I unbuckled her. I unbuckled Henry, got my goodies, rushed her upstairs to put Hallie to bed, and ran to the bathroom.
And that is where it was confirmed. I was pregnant. Again. My stomach dropped. I started to spin. Henry banged on the door, and I had to gather my thoughts. So I turned a show on for him, and called Jon.
"Are you sitting down?"
He sounded nervous.
"Yes."
Awkward silence.
"I'm pregnant."
I expected him to unwind.To explain every worst case scenario. We can't afford it. We just had a baby. I am usually the positive one, and I was nervous.
"Oh thank God." Was his response. "I thought you did something horrible to the car, or the kids had an accident. This is okay. We'll be okay."
Pregnancy has never been a joyous occasion for me. I'm sick. I can't stop eating. I do not like how tired I am. I'm huge. I can't sleep. I pee. A lot. I want a glass of wine. I explain my disdain for it all in my other posts that I wrote about Hallie. I feel like I am trapped in this body, and that the weeks will never end. And the fact that I have done it now all the way through almost 4 times (and 5 if I count the little amount of time that I had for 8 weeks with my first) is crazy to me.
It's such a God thing...pregnancy. Not just pregnancy, but parenthood. It takes a lot to endure these months. Complete surrender is necessary. Sacrifice, and endurance are huge components by which I have had to learn throughout my many months of bearing children. There is no choice but to surrender it all to God. I fully recognize my inability to make it through, and it is imperative that through every step of the way...from the moment I see the second line on the stick, to even now, driving my 6 year old from school to football to baseball...sitting at home doing home work, and making dinner, and evenings getting lunches prepared for the next day...every step of the way I need to rely on the Holy Spirit. And I'm about to add an extra person to cart around. Another lunch to prepare. Another human to clean after, to read to. To teach God's word to. To pay for. To give consequences to. To totally screw up. And hopefully to lead to Him. I need Jesus. For all of it.
The blessing that has come each time I have been lucky enough to meet each of my babies have been game changers. Every time I think I can't love another person as much as I do the others, my heart grows even bigger. Every kick, every movement. Every time I think how lucky I am to see another little chubby booty toddling on the floor, I praise God for the love that I have for them.
I am 27 weeks pregnant with my fourth baby. I never thought I would have four kids. But it is clear that this is obviously God's plan. And before you say the whole..."you know how kids are made, right?" Know that we were taking every precaution we always had. I know for a fact that little Hudson Lyle is a gift from God. I don't get my Harlow, but I am so excited to welcome my third son into our home. We are in for a ride. And so is this kid.
This was clearly not my plan. But God had bigger ideas than I did. So apparently, we are now about to be a family of 6. And I am happy I am not the one making plans in my life. I am so excited. :)
Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. Isa. 40:28
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, Deut. 7:9
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