Happy Freaking Valentine's Day
Today, I am very happy that God has so many examples of using broken, unaccomplished people in the Bible. It makes me feel better. I can relate to the characters that God chooses to use. I forget things, I am late to things,I can be unorganized and unprepared. Let's be honest: I'm a disaster. It's easy to place blame on the fact that I have a lot going on: Jazzercise instructor, High School English teacher, mom of two young kids, wife, neighbor, friend, church member, team mom..we all have commitments, and I want to do everything well, but it's nice to know that when I don't, I'm in good company.
Does that make sense? Is there anyone else like that? I have a picture that I made in high school. I've never been very interested, nor have the attention span to be good at crafts. The picture honestly doesn't have very symmetrical lines, nor are the strokes from the paint brush washed away by the organization and beauty of the painting. But it's me. I'm not linear. I'm a mess. And I kept the painting. Because it's the best I can do. It gets sifted from boxes, to a place on my dresser, to a cabinet, but in the 15 years (seriously...how I am so old that I can say that?) since I've had it, I haven't been able to put it away. Here's the thing: I spent a LOT of time on the painting. I think like 6 weeks. In art class when I made it, we learned about the importance of painting symmetrically. We observed, we organized, we prepared...and honestly, the painting looks like I really just put it together in a day. But that is how I work. The more time I have, the uglier things get.
Today, I woke up early. It is Valentine's Day, I had gifts to give my lovely Valentine and my sweet boys. Also, Harrison had to put his cards and lollipops together for his class. We bought them weeks ago, but I knew that if we had worked on them over the weekend (which honestly, we had my sister's shower, so there would have been no time...and by the way, the cupcakes that I made for her shower would SO go along with this blog, but I will wait until another time to share it), or Monday (Tuesday and Wednesday we get home late because of Awana's and Jazzercise), that they would have been mysteriously decreasing in number: the boys love lollipops, and I didn't want to take the chance that they get into them. So I digress: we made the Valentine's treats for the kids...
And I am not one of those mom's. I bought the Spiderman Valentines from the market. I don't create cute Pintrest-y treats. I can't think of how to bake, make ribbons or use mason jars to light up the face of a four year old and make all of the other mom's jealous. I'm not that girl...but we happened to set up a production line: I wrote: Love, Harrison Jones. Harrison put the lollipops into the designated location set by the maker of the cards, and Henry cried. Because he wanted one. But I was proud. I had all kinds of time to spare this morning to take a shower....I even blow-dried my hair! It was wonderful. I had already placed out Grandma's gift, and the teacher's cards on the counter the night before, so I loaded our goodies into the car. I got Henry ready, and tried to convince Harrison to wear red...
side note- He dresses himself, and likes to wear slacks and a button up shirt to school because that's what his dad wears. He has like two pairs of slacks, and rotates them throughout the week to school...
So off we went: Harrison chose his "red" tractor shirt from two Christmas's ago, paired with his too-small plaid pants he wore to see Santa last year. He chose one Batman sock that was black, and one soccer sock that was white. Everything too-small, not matching...but it was better than the shirt that he initially chose, and we now were late, so we were off to the Valentine's day party.
Harrison got his warts frozen off yesterday, so on the way to school, I debated about going against the doctor's wishes and bandaging it up, but I brushed off that thought. We rolled into the parking lot, and I started to unload the boys, and realized....we forgot Harrison's shoes. This, after feeling so accomplished about my day. Who forgets to put their kid in shoes for school? Oh my gosh. What a disaster I am! I unloaded Henry (who by the way had shoes on) and put him in his grandma's car with his breakfast and juice. As I was giving Grandma her Valentine, and preparing to go into Harrison's school, I felt tears streaming down my face. This is not uncommon for me! I am SO that person. You know this if you know me. Of course I forget my four year old's shoes to school. I forget everything.
We ran into school, Harrison in his mess of an outfit, and huge blood blister on his hand from his procedure, and I wanted to die. Unfortunately, I had a meeting this morning for school, and had to rush out of the classroom hardly having anytime to explain his hand and his shoeless feet.
After my meeting, I sat at the computer to finish up some extra work...still crying, and thought I would drive his shoes back to school. I couldn't have him be the kid with the golf ball blood blister on his hand with no shoes. On the way, I realized that I had a missed call....
Lindsay...Harrison's hand...white face...color back....blood everywhere.
Awesome. The blood blister burst. Probably all over the class's Valentines.
(By the way, he's fine- I showed up and there was a bandage on his hand, and he didn't ruin anything; just my conscience that hopefully he doesn't spread wart to the other kids in class).
I need to come to terms with this. This is me. This is who I am. God made me like this. But here's the even worse part. He wants to use me like this. What kind of resume do I have? If I were in an interview, and gave these examples of who I am, who would hire me?
I have planned a lot of really awesome things in my life. I have these desires and ideas that I often find myself placing my hope in. Every. Single. Time.....EVERY time that my wishes come to fruition, they end up becoming a burden rather than what I would consider a blessing. I can meditate upon example after example in my life where God answered a fasted-upon prayer, that blew up in my face...circumstantially. Usually those events sharpen my character, but in a different way that I predicted.
So I am going to be honest. I think God likes me like this. Not in the fact that He wishes that I be immature, unprepared, spastic, or disengaged from reality. But in the sense that as I make mistakes again, His glory can be better revealed in me. You guys, I am a fail-URE in this life.
But the blessing and promise is this: that my resume rests not upon my accomplishments. Because if it did, then I would not be very effective here. I can give a personal testament to the fact that when I do this life on my own, every time, I will do it poorly. It's a guarantee. My resume looks good when I completely rest in God. Completely turn it over to Him. Everything that is good in my life occurs when He surprises me when I am not looking for anything other than joy in Him.
And that's not easy, because I want to be good alone. I am embarrassed that I am not. I hold onto false premisses of what I should be or how my life should look. When I let go....it's SO much better. Because I am not able, but He is able.
For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,1Timothy 4:4
5 Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” 11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
Does that make sense? Is there anyone else like that? I have a picture that I made in high school. I've never been very interested, nor have the attention span to be good at crafts. The picture honestly doesn't have very symmetrical lines, nor are the strokes from the paint brush washed away by the organization and beauty of the painting. But it's me. I'm not linear. I'm a mess. And I kept the painting. Because it's the best I can do. It gets sifted from boxes, to a place on my dresser, to a cabinet, but in the 15 years (seriously...how I am so old that I can say that?) since I've had it, I haven't been able to put it away. Here's the thing: I spent a LOT of time on the painting. I think like 6 weeks. In art class when I made it, we learned about the importance of painting symmetrically. We observed, we organized, we prepared...and honestly, the painting looks like I really just put it together in a day. But that is how I work. The more time I have, the uglier things get.
Today, I woke up early. It is Valentine's Day, I had gifts to give my lovely Valentine and my sweet boys. Also, Harrison had to put his cards and lollipops together for his class. We bought them weeks ago, but I knew that if we had worked on them over the weekend (which honestly, we had my sister's shower, so there would have been no time...and by the way, the cupcakes that I made for her shower would SO go along with this blog, but I will wait until another time to share it), or Monday (Tuesday and Wednesday we get home late because of Awana's and Jazzercise), that they would have been mysteriously decreasing in number: the boys love lollipops, and I didn't want to take the chance that they get into them. So I digress: we made the Valentine's treats for the kids...
And I am not one of those mom's. I bought the Spiderman Valentines from the market. I don't create cute Pintrest-y treats. I can't think of how to bake, make ribbons or use mason jars to light up the face of a four year old and make all of the other mom's jealous. I'm not that girl...but we happened to set up a production line: I wrote: Love, Harrison Jones. Harrison put the lollipops into the designated location set by the maker of the cards, and Henry cried. Because he wanted one. But I was proud. I had all kinds of time to spare this morning to take a shower....I even blow-dried my hair! It was wonderful. I had already placed out Grandma's gift, and the teacher's cards on the counter the night before, so I loaded our goodies into the car. I got Henry ready, and tried to convince Harrison to wear red...
side note- He dresses himself, and likes to wear slacks and a button up shirt to school because that's what his dad wears. He has like two pairs of slacks, and rotates them throughout the week to school...
So off we went: Harrison chose his "red" tractor shirt from two Christmas's ago, paired with his too-small plaid pants he wore to see Santa last year. He chose one Batman sock that was black, and one soccer sock that was white. Everything too-small, not matching...but it was better than the shirt that he initially chose, and we now were late, so we were off to the Valentine's day party.
Harrison got his warts frozen off yesterday, so on the way to school, I debated about going against the doctor's wishes and bandaging it up, but I brushed off that thought. We rolled into the parking lot, and I started to unload the boys, and realized....we forgot Harrison's shoes. This, after feeling so accomplished about my day. Who forgets to put their kid in shoes for school? Oh my gosh. What a disaster I am! I unloaded Henry (who by the way had shoes on) and put him in his grandma's car with his breakfast and juice. As I was giving Grandma her Valentine, and preparing to go into Harrison's school, I felt tears streaming down my face. This is not uncommon for me! I am SO that person. You know this if you know me. Of course I forget my four year old's shoes to school. I forget everything.
We ran into school, Harrison in his mess of an outfit, and huge blood blister on his hand from his procedure, and I wanted to die. Unfortunately, I had a meeting this morning for school, and had to rush out of the classroom hardly having anytime to explain his hand and his shoeless feet.
After my meeting, I sat at the computer to finish up some extra work...still crying, and thought I would drive his shoes back to school. I couldn't have him be the kid with the golf ball blood blister on his hand with no shoes. On the way, I realized that I had a missed call....
Lindsay...Harrison's hand...white face...color back....blood everywhere.
Awesome. The blood blister burst. Probably all over the class's Valentines.
(By the way, he's fine- I showed up and there was a bandage on his hand, and he didn't ruin anything; just my conscience that hopefully he doesn't spread wart to the other kids in class).
I need to come to terms with this. This is me. This is who I am. God made me like this. But here's the even worse part. He wants to use me like this. What kind of resume do I have? If I were in an interview, and gave these examples of who I am, who would hire me?
I have planned a lot of really awesome things in my life. I have these desires and ideas that I often find myself placing my hope in. Every. Single. Time.....EVERY time that my wishes come to fruition, they end up becoming a burden rather than what I would consider a blessing. I can meditate upon example after example in my life where God answered a fasted-upon prayer, that blew up in my face...circumstantially. Usually those events sharpen my character, but in a different way that I predicted.
So I am going to be honest. I think God likes me like this. Not in the fact that He wishes that I be immature, unprepared, spastic, or disengaged from reality. But in the sense that as I make mistakes again, His glory can be better revealed in me. You guys, I am a fail-URE in this life.
But the blessing and promise is this: that my resume rests not upon my accomplishments. Because if it did, then I would not be very effective here. I can give a personal testament to the fact that when I do this life on my own, every time, I will do it poorly. It's a guarantee. My resume looks good when I completely rest in God. Completely turn it over to Him. Everything that is good in my life occurs when He surprises me when I am not looking for anything other than joy in Him.
And that's not easy, because I want to be good alone. I am embarrassed that I am not. I hold onto false premisses of what I should be or how my life should look. When I let go....it's SO much better. Because I am not able, but He is able.
For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,1Timothy 4:4
Jesus Calls His First Disciples Luke 5
5 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,[a] the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. 2 He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3 He
got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to
put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people
from the boat.
4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”5 Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
6 When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7 So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.
Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” 11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
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