Letter of Introduction
Through prayerful consideration, I made the decision to write on the internet. This is nothing new for me. Since I signed up for Myspace in 2004, then Facebook in 2008, I have been an avid publisher of my thoughts and life experiences on the internet. For me, however, this avenue is something different. I have always been interested in blogs. Two of my closest friends blog, and I read them often. I love to look at home decoration blogs, or raising kids blogs, or cooking blogs (I don't cook, I just like to see that other people do). Today, I decided to post my first blog. I don't know quite what this means. I don't know if anyone will read this. I just want to write what the Holy Spirit is teaching me about. Because he teaches me to boast about my weaknesses, I assume that I will boast about those, and Him.
Today, I am introducing myself to my blog. I assume that I will be the only reader right now. So apparently, I am introducing myself to myself. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I teach kids, I teach Jazzercise. I clean my house. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a gardener. I am a home owner. I love to run. I love to dance. I am not very smart. I think I have ADD. I am not nearly the greatest employee, or mom, or wife. I can't believe sometimes that I graduated college. And it's because of this, that I know that His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I grew up going to CCD. My mom is a Catholic, and we would go to church every once and a while; but mostly, my sister and I went to CCD. I don't remember a whole lot about the experience. Other than the "Hail Mary," "Our Father," my first communion, first confession, and confirmation, I remember my leader. He was an old military man. He was stiff, hard, and had about as much compassion for our 5th grade CCD class as he did for a bug. One day, he was talking about Hell. That we should not get off the path of following God because we could end up in Hell. That day, I had probably one of my first experiences with God. I was so excited to learn that following God was like following a path. Although our leader was not entirely correct (or maybe my perception is off), but I remember like a fire: this understanding that I never had experienced before. Like previously stated, I have never been the best at school, but that day, I really understood my teacher. That I should try my best to seek after the Lord. I remember experiencing the Holy Spirit. As I look back, I am not entirely certain that I knew what it meant, but I could see clearly that God wanted me to not veer off of the path that He set in place for me. I knew that Jesus sent His son so that I might have freedom in following Him.
It was two years later that I accepted Christ as my Savior. I was 12. It was at a Calvary Chapel that I went to with my next door neighbors. At the time, my parents were in the middle of a divorce, and my whole world was turning upside down. I felt for the first time, a feeling of peace. Of acceptance. Of Truth. The Holy Spirit was calling my name, and I knew it. And when Pastor Chris told me to raise my hand, I did.
Following God was not easy after that. I had a bitter spirit, and was really hurt. My dad left. My mom was getting remarried. We moved towns, and I lost a lot of friends. My life seemed during my preteen years to be the antithesis of what I needed. Stability is necessary for the middle school student, and I was thrown for a loop. Slowly, I fell across the wrong "path"; leaving my education, a positive attitude, and God behind. Those years were dark, sad, confusing, and impenetrable. There was a lot of fear, and I took it out on myself. Soon I found myself in a downward spiral of depression, Anorexia, Bulimia, sexual activity, and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Essentially, I did not heed the warnings that we talked about that day in CCD. I literally was in my own personal Hell. It makes me sad to think of the lies that Satan tells to young teens. It is my prayer that we who have more experience in the Lord spend a lot of time in prayer in petition to protect them. (Which is one of the reasons that I became an educator.) I would honestly say during that time that the only saving grace was that my mom was so hard on me. If I came home late, I was grounded. If I slammed the door, it came off the hinges. She followed me to my Spanish class, and looked at all of my missing assignments and grounded me until I did them. She literally would not put up with any misbehaving, attitude or wrong behavior when she found out about what I was doing, and despite her world turning upside down; new husband, new house, new job, toddler, and teenagers to raise, she focused on me until I changed my way of life.
I turned my life around my senior year, when I realized that my poor GPA would not get me into a good college, and that the choices I had been making had consequences. I was so blessed because for four years, my mom did not let go of the hold that she had on me. She didn't give up her hard line of consequences. I attribute the pange of guilt and understanding that the path I was headed down was immoral, and wrong to her. I left my friends, and sought after truth. I tried really hard my Freshman year at Community College. But there was still an emptiness. It was about a year later that I remembered a youth group that one of my friends took me to my senior year of high school. It was on Tuesday night, and I had a boyfriend who was 20 at the time who still went. I decided to go. By myself. I told my mom that I wanted to make new friends. I rededicated my life to Jesus June 16, 2001. After that, God worked fast. He was so gracious, and gave me so much support, and soon I was blessed to be a small group leader. It was then that I found new insight in the Word. As I taught, I learned. And since then, I have been working hard to seek after His name. There have been many ups and downs; backslides, and months of apathy, and uncertainty. But He has been gracious. And his grace is sufficient.
I hope to use this blog to continue to reflect on my story. And to teach myself about His glory. When I am able to write, I learn so much. So I will work to know Him better as I write.
Today, I am introducing myself to my blog. I assume that I will be the only reader right now. So apparently, I am introducing myself to myself. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I teach kids, I teach Jazzercise. I clean my house. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a gardener. I am a home owner. I love to run. I love to dance. I am not very smart. I think I have ADD. I am not nearly the greatest employee, or mom, or wife. I can't believe sometimes that I graduated college. And it's because of this, that I know that His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I grew up going to CCD. My mom is a Catholic, and we would go to church every once and a while; but mostly, my sister and I went to CCD. I don't remember a whole lot about the experience. Other than the "Hail Mary," "Our Father," my first communion, first confession, and confirmation, I remember my leader. He was an old military man. He was stiff, hard, and had about as much compassion for our 5th grade CCD class as he did for a bug. One day, he was talking about Hell. That we should not get off the path of following God because we could end up in Hell. That day, I had probably one of my first experiences with God. I was so excited to learn that following God was like following a path. Although our leader was not entirely correct (or maybe my perception is off), but I remember like a fire: this understanding that I never had experienced before. Like previously stated, I have never been the best at school, but that day, I really understood my teacher. That I should try my best to seek after the Lord. I remember experiencing the Holy Spirit. As I look back, I am not entirely certain that I knew what it meant, but I could see clearly that God wanted me to not veer off of the path that He set in place for me. I knew that Jesus sent His son so that I might have freedom in following Him.
It was two years later that I accepted Christ as my Savior. I was 12. It was at a Calvary Chapel that I went to with my next door neighbors. At the time, my parents were in the middle of a divorce, and my whole world was turning upside down. I felt for the first time, a feeling of peace. Of acceptance. Of Truth. The Holy Spirit was calling my name, and I knew it. And when Pastor Chris told me to raise my hand, I did.
Following God was not easy after that. I had a bitter spirit, and was really hurt. My dad left. My mom was getting remarried. We moved towns, and I lost a lot of friends. My life seemed during my preteen years to be the antithesis of what I needed. Stability is necessary for the middle school student, and I was thrown for a loop. Slowly, I fell across the wrong "path"; leaving my education, a positive attitude, and God behind. Those years were dark, sad, confusing, and impenetrable. There was a lot of fear, and I took it out on myself. Soon I found myself in a downward spiral of depression, Anorexia, Bulimia, sexual activity, and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Essentially, I did not heed the warnings that we talked about that day in CCD. I literally was in my own personal Hell. It makes me sad to think of the lies that Satan tells to young teens. It is my prayer that we who have more experience in the Lord spend a lot of time in prayer in petition to protect them. (Which is one of the reasons that I became an educator.) I would honestly say during that time that the only saving grace was that my mom was so hard on me. If I came home late, I was grounded. If I slammed the door, it came off the hinges. She followed me to my Spanish class, and looked at all of my missing assignments and grounded me until I did them. She literally would not put up with any misbehaving, attitude or wrong behavior when she found out about what I was doing, and despite her world turning upside down; new husband, new house, new job, toddler, and teenagers to raise, she focused on me until I changed my way of life.
I turned my life around my senior year, when I realized that my poor GPA would not get me into a good college, and that the choices I had been making had consequences. I was so blessed because for four years, my mom did not let go of the hold that she had on me. She didn't give up her hard line of consequences. I attribute the pange of guilt and understanding that the path I was headed down was immoral, and wrong to her. I left my friends, and sought after truth. I tried really hard my Freshman year at Community College. But there was still an emptiness. It was about a year later that I remembered a youth group that one of my friends took me to my senior year of high school. It was on Tuesday night, and I had a boyfriend who was 20 at the time who still went. I decided to go. By myself. I told my mom that I wanted to make new friends. I rededicated my life to Jesus June 16, 2001. After that, God worked fast. He was so gracious, and gave me so much support, and soon I was blessed to be a small group leader. It was then that I found new insight in the Word. As I taught, I learned. And since then, I have been working hard to seek after His name. There have been many ups and downs; backslides, and months of apathy, and uncertainty. But He has been gracious. And his grace is sufficient.
I hope to use this blog to continue to reflect on my story. And to teach myself about His glory. When I am able to write, I learn so much. So I will work to know Him better as I write.
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