My Confession
The word sounds unpleasant: jealousy. Words like: "fear", "anxiety", "pride", and "resentment" find themselves attached to the thoughts and emotions that stem from "jealousy." All of these terms would be the Lord's biggest opposition. The dark angel fell because of pride. Jonah fled from Ninevah because of fear and anxiety. There are countless stories in the Bible (and in the rest of human history) that led to destruction because of jealousy. In the book of Job, the author talks in the fifth chapter about resentment. "Resentment kills the fool, and envy slays the simple." (Job 5:2) Slays. Kills. That's what jealousy does.
And that is why I am compelled to confess my sin. I am a jealous person. I don't think it is necessarily a light hearted matter. I am jealous by nature, and I am not happy to admit it. I would by no means direct the attention off of myself and blame anything else, but quite frankly, the world that we live in today does not make this very easy for me to deal with. Let me explain.
I love Pintrest. In fact, I am not on it as much as I would like to be. There are so many cute ideas for clothes, homes, raising kids, and cooking that inspire me and give me motivation to be the best homemaker that I can be. But sometimes, Pintrest gets the best of me. Everything I ever wanted (and didn't know I wanted) is at the click of a mouse. It's different than looking through the pages of a magazine or watching commercials, because there is SO much, and I can browse at my own discretion; meaning things are perfectly laid out in front of me, in substantial display. I go to sleep thinking about everything I want to change about my backyard, my kitchen, my dining room, my bedroom, my clothes, my kids, the way I raise my kids, and so on. I get jealous.
I feel the same way about Facebook. I'm insane. I love to keep up with old friends, and get to know new ones. I like to be inspired by others' thoughts. Whether it be a Bible quote or a picture that a friend posts of her and her little baby, I am daily reminded at what a blessing life can be. However, much like everything in life, Facebook can make me so jealous. I suddenly feel the need to be super fun, quick whited, and convince everyone in the world that I have it together. My pride gets the best of me sometimes while on Facebook. And that is not easy to admit. I feel like I need to be the perfect mom, wife, teacher, instructor, worker, friend, daughter, sister, etc already. But when showing the world who I am on Facebook, I feel the pressure to the Nth degree. And I get jealous of my friends who go on vacation. Or redo their rooms. Or hang out with one another. It's the best invention; don't get me wrong, and I am not looking anytime soon to quite my Facebook membership, but there is often a tinge of jealousy that I get when my guard is down.
This is nothing new. I'm not here to say that the digital world is going to collapse society, because there have been traditions all throughout history that have led people to have jealousy. It is a human characteristic. I just feel that it is MUCH easier now to have an emotional, compelling feeling to want to boast of what we have, and want what we do not. Our culture in the United States has never been one that has been quiet about the "need" for more material. More so than a lot of cultures, mine is one that resists the conventional and seeks after the adventure. No matter what the cost (dollars, I mean). I don't have a smart phone, and I can tell you that everyone who sees my "old fashioned" phone mentions to me that I am too far behind in the times. I not only have my internal pressure to spend past my means and buy one, but I have outside pressure to do so by others. Things become a "need" rather than a "want" so quickly in our society, and I fall slave to pride, envy, and jealousy daily.
James warns against this sin. "14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, nonspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." (James 3:14-16). Disorder and EVERY evil practice. My heart so often desires what is not good for it. I seek after so many things in my life that doesn't end with pleasure, but instead, makes me sad. I struggle to give it up to God. I feel like my motives are pure, but when I want more than I have now, I know that I am on a down spiral away from my Savior.
In the quietness of my heart, Jesus tells me to worship Him only. It is so easy to make things idol. And He is jealous. But He is jealous of what is right. He whispers about the riches of salvation and the joy of His presence. And the noise of the world; Pintrest, Facebook, The Real Housewives, etc...are distractions in my life. I confess that such things pull me apart from the promise that He offers WAY more and will provide EXACTLY just what I need, and bless me abundantly with more than I want.
I love what God told Moses. He said "I am." Those words offer no argument against who God is. He is everywhere, and the point of the Cross is that "I am" loves us. He loves us beyond what anything else can offer. I get so off balance when I focus my heart on what I don't have when I compare myself against others. I have "I am." Everything. Him. He is in my heart, and He says that He wants to bless me ABUNDANTLY. With Him. What then, do I have to be jealous of? If I have "I am" who gifted "I am" to me, what is there to want? This is where I need to redirect my thoughts.
In Ephesians, Paul writes: "7 in order that in the coming ages, he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast."(2:7-9) Because of this, I cannot boast in anything other than Him. So when I have a victory in parenting, I need to give it to Him. When I decorate my house, I need to give thanks to Him. When I do something good with my students at school, I give glory to Him. Because Paul writes, "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
He doesn't want me to be jealous, because He knows that He can give me more. So I re focus and re align my heart with His as I seek after Him...again. And when I do that, I am honestly fulfilled, and have no need for more. Then, I can focus on the work that He would have me do for His kingdom, instead of focus on the amount of material possessions I can collect.
And that is why I am compelled to confess my sin. I am a jealous person. I don't think it is necessarily a light hearted matter. I am jealous by nature, and I am not happy to admit it. I would by no means direct the attention off of myself and blame anything else, but quite frankly, the world that we live in today does not make this very easy for me to deal with. Let me explain.
I love Pintrest. In fact, I am not on it as much as I would like to be. There are so many cute ideas for clothes, homes, raising kids, and cooking that inspire me and give me motivation to be the best homemaker that I can be. But sometimes, Pintrest gets the best of me. Everything I ever wanted (and didn't know I wanted) is at the click of a mouse. It's different than looking through the pages of a magazine or watching commercials, because there is SO much, and I can browse at my own discretion; meaning things are perfectly laid out in front of me, in substantial display. I go to sleep thinking about everything I want to change about my backyard, my kitchen, my dining room, my bedroom, my clothes, my kids, the way I raise my kids, and so on. I get jealous.
I feel the same way about Facebook. I'm insane. I love to keep up with old friends, and get to know new ones. I like to be inspired by others' thoughts. Whether it be a Bible quote or a picture that a friend posts of her and her little baby, I am daily reminded at what a blessing life can be. However, much like everything in life, Facebook can make me so jealous. I suddenly feel the need to be super fun, quick whited, and convince everyone in the world that I have it together. My pride gets the best of me sometimes while on Facebook. And that is not easy to admit. I feel like I need to be the perfect mom, wife, teacher, instructor, worker, friend, daughter, sister, etc already. But when showing the world who I am on Facebook, I feel the pressure to the Nth degree. And I get jealous of my friends who go on vacation. Or redo their rooms. Or hang out with one another. It's the best invention; don't get me wrong, and I am not looking anytime soon to quite my Facebook membership, but there is often a tinge of jealousy that I get when my guard is down.
This is nothing new. I'm not here to say that the digital world is going to collapse society, because there have been traditions all throughout history that have led people to have jealousy. It is a human characteristic. I just feel that it is MUCH easier now to have an emotional, compelling feeling to want to boast of what we have, and want what we do not. Our culture in the United States has never been one that has been quiet about the "need" for more material. More so than a lot of cultures, mine is one that resists the conventional and seeks after the adventure. No matter what the cost (dollars, I mean). I don't have a smart phone, and I can tell you that everyone who sees my "old fashioned" phone mentions to me that I am too far behind in the times. I not only have my internal pressure to spend past my means and buy one, but I have outside pressure to do so by others. Things become a "need" rather than a "want" so quickly in our society, and I fall slave to pride, envy, and jealousy daily.
James warns against this sin. "14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, nonspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." (James 3:14-16). Disorder and EVERY evil practice. My heart so often desires what is not good for it. I seek after so many things in my life that doesn't end with pleasure, but instead, makes me sad. I struggle to give it up to God. I feel like my motives are pure, but when I want more than I have now, I know that I am on a down spiral away from my Savior.
In the quietness of my heart, Jesus tells me to worship Him only. It is so easy to make things idol. And He is jealous. But He is jealous of what is right. He whispers about the riches of salvation and the joy of His presence. And the noise of the world; Pintrest, Facebook, The Real Housewives, etc...are distractions in my life. I confess that such things pull me apart from the promise that He offers WAY more and will provide EXACTLY just what I need, and bless me abundantly with more than I want.
I love what God told Moses. He said "I am." Those words offer no argument against who God is. He is everywhere, and the point of the Cross is that "I am" loves us. He loves us beyond what anything else can offer. I get so off balance when I focus my heart on what I don't have when I compare myself against others. I have "I am." Everything. Him. He is in my heart, and He says that He wants to bless me ABUNDANTLY. With Him. What then, do I have to be jealous of? If I have "I am" who gifted "I am" to me, what is there to want? This is where I need to redirect my thoughts.
In Ephesians, Paul writes: "7 in order that in the coming ages, he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast."(2:7-9) Because of this, I cannot boast in anything other than Him. So when I have a victory in parenting, I need to give it to Him. When I decorate my house, I need to give thanks to Him. When I do something good with my students at school, I give glory to Him. Because Paul writes, "Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
He doesn't want me to be jealous, because He knows that He can give me more. So I re focus and re align my heart with His as I seek after Him...again. And when I do that, I am honestly fulfilled, and have no need for more. Then, I can focus on the work that He would have me do for His kingdom, instead of focus on the amount of material possessions I can collect.
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